Fragm ented T h o u g h ts

Being Correct or Being Ignorant

Varun — Wed, 16 May 2007 06:52:57 +0000

My dad, wise as he is has very well put my dilemma into a short mnemonic – LWS. Last Word Syndrome. Today at the most unexpected of times, in the most unexpected of places the true meaning of these words hit me. As my friend Jake says, ‘I had an epiphany’. I can’t end an argument or debate or dispute or whatever you choose to call it, until I have the entire picture in my head. I can’t let something unexplained be forgotten or postponed. I need to understand the entire problem, the entire scenario. This as it seems is a perfectly admirable quality and well worth retaining. However once I have reached my panoramic point of view I must impress it on others. Like I need to make other people aware of my understanding.
This has a major drawback. I may be right, I may be wrong, that’s not the problem. The thing is, most problems in real life aren’t binary or linear in nature. They are like multivariate polynomial inequalities; they have many answers all equally right. And when you reach one conclusion it’s natural to eliminate others. This tendency has made lots of my concepts faulty. Once the human mind is sure of an outcome it automatically eliminates the others, logically or illogically. The whole justification technique kicks in and we rule out other possibilities. The contrary problem is also a fatal one. Not questioning other possible results leaves them uncertified. If we don’t question then we can not realize actual truth. We can never be certain for a 100% that an answer is correct, because we ourselves haven’t questioned it and convinced ourselves of its correctness.
Now I know this may not be for all to comprehend, so a simple analogy. You are on a trip and currently on a crossroads, many roads each leading you in different directions. Now some of the roads may actually reach the same destination, but many will not. How do you decide which is the right way without actually having gone down each path. It seems to me to be an impossible decision. Now let us assume you go down each path, but the first path you take leads you to the required destination. Hence you found the way and further disregard other paths. But maybe, just maybe one of the other paths also leads you to your destination and is shorter to take. Will you waste your life trying every path at every crossroads? Or will you find one correct path leading you to your destination and stick by it, forgetting the others?

The State of Boredom

Varun — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 09:44:56 +0000

The first thing on today’s agenda… I’M SORRY. To any and all who bothered to read my idle banter and found me missing over the past few months. You see a lot has been going on in my life. Nothing I’d call life altering or nerve wrecking but stuff none the less. I am back in Sharjah living in the hostel with my college mates and going to college everyday (well, I miss a few days here and there, after all, a man needs his sleep). I am eating 2 and a half square meals a day (I normally miss breakfast). I am watching a number of TV sitcoms each better or worse than the next. And most importantly I am still bored out of my mind.

What makes you tick? Music, football, physics, art, blogs, literature, philosophy, religion, computers,…….? The list is endless, but can each of you tell me one thing that is able to occupy your mind completely? One thing, one train of thought that never seems old. Maybe a song, a book, a story anything. Something that you think about when you sleep at night. I can’t seem to choose. In all honesty I think I have deteriorated from an intelligent boy to a stagnant individual. All these things at some point in my life held some level of interest for me, even computer games to which my friends will testify held my attentions for a good deal. And yet it seems none of them get me thinking anymore. Like all the mysteries are hidden from me or solved already. With every new thing that I delve into, I learn something, possibly nothing my parents will find useful, but something. Even watching a childish Japanese cartoon series i learnt a little Japanese. Once I am able to figure out where the train of thought is headed, it gets boring.

Art, music, psychology all of which I have but a primal understanding, using common sense where fact is unavailable. Endless questions arise when one stares at a piece of art or listens to a new song. Yet I still don’t feel challenged. I know I can find the answers if I look, so I don’t bother looking at all. Is it my mental lazyness or is it true? Does the journey become meaningless when the destination is known? And if thats true, then what purpose does the journey hold??

Yet again, many questions, no answers.

Home is Where The Heart Is

Varun — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 19:01:22 +0000

Ahh, finally back in Mumbai. Sweet old Mumbai, land of the free. Where anything goes and everyone knows how to cutloose. Back to my sweet spring matress bed, my reliable PC, my good old TV. And yet it seems out of place. As though this isn’t my life I’m living right now. Like something out of a strangely familiar dream. All this made me think, is home really where the heart is? My heart is in Mumbai, thats for sure, between my friends, all the beer, and my girlfriend, there’s no place I’d rather be. Still when I sleep at night it feels like I’m on vacation, which I am but isn’t it supposed to feel like home? I’m begining to think that maybe now Sharjah is my home. Weird.

I realised just now, that’s not true. The reason I feel this way is because it was hard to leave the first time. I don’ t think I can do it again. It’s easier to live this month out like a dream. Waking up to a jarring reality of Dubai won’t be so bad. But to enjoy this life and feel at home again will cause old wounds to reopen when i have to leave. Funny thing your heart, it protects you from that which you never dreamt could harm you in the first place.

Whole Life Ahead?

Varun — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 01:14:28 +0000

Ever hear the phrase, “You have your whole life ahead of you to do that”. Well I say fuck it. You don’t. How can you think even for a second that you do? I mean what with all the possible ways for you to die in today’s day and age you may not live to see tomorrow forget about the rest of your life. So my thought is that when there’s something you want to do (provided its not like harmful, you know like drugs and shit) you shouldn’t waste another minute getting down to doing it.

If you want to learn an instrument or maybe you want to dance, do it. You never know when it maybe too late. I realized, too late is only when you can’t do it. So long as you have the capability and desire to do something, you can. My parents said why do you want to earn money? You should be studying; you have the rest of your life to work. How can they or me myself know that? I want to know what it feels like to earn my own money, hard earned, sweated after. I want to know what it feels like to play a song on the guitar for a girl, sure I can do it when I’m 50 also, but what’s to say that I will get to. I have I chance know I plan on taking it. Opportunity only knocks once, answer it or I will.

Insecurity Sucks

Varun — Thu, 21 Dec 2006 19:10:53 +0000

Insecurity, the world’s greatest weakness.

Nowadays it seems that loads of people to suffer from it. Whether it be due to someone or something external or as in some cases a deeper seated internal affair. It seems hypocritical for me to comment, but that’s just it. I’m not commenting. I’m just a little sick of having to observe insecurity in people around me and I need to vent. It’s surprising how many different things cause insecurity. Take me for example; so many things make me insecure. Right from the fact that I am over weight up to the fact that my girlfriend is hot enough to easily change boyfriends.

I don’t comprehend what it is about these things that make me insecure. I am fat, so what? I am still happy right? Then why does it matter? I still have my life, my friends, family, gf, etc. I am beginning to think that more is not enough. Maybe, just maybe we are all insecure because we are not happy with that which is there. You know the whole “greener grass on the other side” routine. Maybe it’s out of desire that we become insecure, maybe I am just full of crap. I don’t know. This poses I bigger problem, the solution. If I can only be happy with what I have, I shouldn’t be insecure. How to be happy with what I have? I don’t know.

The Begining…

Varun — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:23:27 +0000

Well well well, where to start? I dunno. I guess I’ll give you a brief history lesson.

On a cold night in the not-to-well chartered territory of a New-Delhi hospital, a star was born. Yeap I remember it like it was yesterday 12th may 1987 I came into this world. Well at the time me and my family (Which comprises of me, my dad, my mum and my elder sister) were living in Jaipur, so shortly after birth I went to the Pink City. Two years there, then three in delhi (D.P.S) then 4 and a half in New York, then another 2 and a half in Delhi, then about 5 years in Mumbai and now in dubai. I was aspiring for IIT but didnt make it, so now I’m in BITS-Dubai. Yawn. The name inspires sleep. Any way my Mum is the most loving person I know, Dad the most logical and Sister the most protective. My girlfriend is the cutest, shes too too innocent, too naieve. My best friends are a bunch of half assed losers who are currently spread throughout the world. Rohan Shah is in mumbai, Siddhu is in Singapore, Akhil and Deep are in States. Other than that there are loads of other very important people in my life but my fingers hurt so I’ll introduce them laterz. For now, hi world, welcome to my world…